In honor of Proust's birthday yesterday (yeah yeah it's belated), my answers to the Proust Questionnaire:
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being rootless with no home and traveling out west with my husband and pets. Basically, I want a gypsy caravan with my loved ones that never stops. I'm a nomad at heart. I never ever want to come home. Home is within.
2. What is your greatest fear? It's a cheery toss up between death and going to Hell. Runner ups include: being electrocuted, driving, making change, and bears.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Being hot headed and proud. I go there all the time, but I hate it about myself.
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Prudery
5. Which living person do you most admire? My husband, Kelly. He has endless patience, and he is so kind. He makes it look like a cakewalk.
6. What is your greatest extravagance? Hah! Everything about me is extravagant. 5+ dollar coffee every single day or all my time going to me? I’m a bit of hedonist and everything is a bit over the top. I have a lot of extravagances which is why I don't have kids.
7. What is your current state of mind? I live in a constant state of Ouiser Boudreaux. I'm Ouiser after huffing essential oils today, though. That state of mind is like a buoy bobbing on the ocean if you're wondering.
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Frugality or tact
9. On what occasion do you lie? If you invite me anywhere, I'm most likely going to lie to get out of it at some point because of anxiety and depression. I'm the friend that flakes.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? Not that much, actually. I guess my thighs or super long ski like feet? Overall, I'm great with how I look. I love my teeny baby sometimes lazy eye. I've become attached to my crowded big horse teeth. I recently have embraced my plump arms that remind me of how much I loved squishing and kneading at my Grandma's when I was little. Yeah, I think I have babe status besides like 10 silver gray hairs that annoy me. It's liberating to love yourself.
11. Which living person do you most despise? I'm not a fan of the current "President", but more so I despise the people like Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Paul Ryan who have the nerve to try to justify this as normal, and in my opinion, are putting party over country.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man? When I was young, I always said creativity, but I didn't know what I needed. When I fell in love with Kelly, I came to realize it was kindness.
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Brashness
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Awwwwwww, Hell." My husband will tell you I say it just like Nick Nolte.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? My husband, Kelly. People say that stuff, but I'm truly mad about him. He's everything. I hover around him all the time with anxiety that something will happen to him. I wish I could lock him in the house or be in his pocket all the time. I know that sounds creepy, but I'm creepy.
16. When and where were you happiest? Anytime with sunshine and warmth and a brief respite from my anxiety. When my mind is quiet, I am happiest.
17. Which talent would you most like to have? I wish I could paint or be a fat ballet dancer. After I watch ballet, I try to do moves in the house which I feel are beautiful, but I'm sure look hysterical. If I ever get to Heaven, I would love to be a fat ballet dancer up there. You all better come watch me.
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I wish I could get over my driving phobia.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? This is the most difficult question so far. Getting a piece published that was deeply personal in a book? Maybe just the fact that I continue to get up every day when I live in a brain that frequently hums with suffocating, unending fear. I live with a body and brain constantly elevated to red level terror alert. It sounds dramatic, but when you think about death and fear most of every day, continuing to exist is a victory.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? I hope a monk or someone to be left in peace to study and focus on something more than myself. I want never ending quiet and a higher calling.
21. Where would you most like to live? New Mexico
22. What is your most treasured possession? Letters and cards that Kelly has given me over the years/my book collection. It's a tie.
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Networking and/or icebreakers
24. What is your favorite occupation? I wish I could do data entry all day long. Just tuck me in a closet with my own music or podcasts to listen to and no one around and endless amounts of data to enter. To most that would sound like boring hell, but for me, I would love nothing more. Unfortunately, I was born in the wrong period, and now, mostly people enter everything directly into the computer anyway so it's not needed.
25. What is your most marked characteristic? Being tell all. I have no secrets. I'm an open book about everything. I'm pretty passionate, too.
26. What do you most value in your friends? Those who stick with me because it's not easy to be my friend.
27. Who are your favorite writers? I could go on for paragraphs about this: Colette, Anais Nin, Elizabeth Bowen, Donna Tartt...I'm recently really getting into Faulkner.
28. Who is your hero of fiction? Léa from Chéri and Vinca from The Ripening Seed
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Marie Antoinette for her hedonism, love of leisure, and pugs
30. Who are your heroes in real life? People like my friend Natalie who seem to have this endless fountain of positivity and joy and patience. No matter how stressful things are, she always seems to have time to give to people and without resentment! Women and men who choose to love themselves when society and/or the media tells them they're unworthy. Hillary Clinton, who keeps getting knocked down and kicked in the teeth but always gets back up. My parents, of course.
31. What are your favorite names? Cecilia and other names that sound old fashioned
32. What is it that you most dislike? the entire Hell that is Sam's with all of disgusting humanity clotted in front of the sample stands stuffing their faces, huge neck holes and thin shirts (the quality of today's clothing), and people singing happy birthday
33. What is your greatest regret? I don't know. There are many. Not applying myself in college. Being an asshole to my brother when we were young. Being unkind when I knew better.
34. How would you like to die? Very, very old in my sleep
35. What is your motto? I don't do inspirational posters, corny Hallmark cards, or mottoes.