So Done

[thesarahscope]

 

In the summer, our home looks like the vacation house of a family of six even through there are only we two and no kids.  Random swimsuits of mine hang over the shower.  Shoes that I left in front of the wash machine that K. washed dangle from the doorknobs where they are drying.  An aimless, solitary flip flop has been in the hallway for days, and I continue to step over it.  In the hot of the southern summer afternoons, animals are to be found in strategic locations on the wooden floor, free from carpet and cool. Judging from how they place themselves each day, I suspect I could determine the way the wind patterns flow in our house.  There are many, sticky half-empty bottles of sunscreen stacked in front of the books on the shelves.  K. has brought home a bag of figs for me, and I force him to eat one.  He gives a piece of it to the dog before I can stop him, and the absurdity of we who live in a house where dogs dine on figs strikes me as funny.  He tells me he wants her explore the world of tastes.  “She’s a dog,” I remind him. 

In the afternoons, I take Mearl outside because she is a good companion.  We stumble like fat pollen-drunk bumble bees through the crunchy summer grass.  People drive by, but for some reason, I can’t be bothered.  The sun feels so good on me, inside of me, and I toss my head back with my eyes closed and stand there, relishing the blinding brightness.  There is a red color that grows beneath my eyelids.  I imagine I’m Saul on the road to Damascus.  I wonder if in the presence of God, who blinded him, felt both terrifying but also similar to this feeling.  The perfect searing blades of light beaming all over him as he grasped about the dusty road.  I can imagine he must’ve felt the perfection of God in the heavenly light in the midst of his confusion.  I cast my arms and legs wide like a star fish, and I imagine that every spot on my body is covered in light. I think of the sunlight pouring into the seashell crevasses within my ears, and I imagine it slipping underneath my fingernails, and it pools in the dent under my nose.  I grin up toward the sky, and it’s a grin for no one but myself, and it feels like life could never be better than this.  I pick up warm round stones and roll them in my palms.  My hands get gritty, but I feel I have dissolved into the Earth with my little black dog silhouetted near, her mushed muppet face, her panting smile.  I know she can feel the promise of positivity in this moment, and I know, like me, she knows it will not remain.  After we get sun drunk, we head toward the house, dragging every part with dejection.  The birds and squirrels caw and bark at us, ready to get back to the feeders.  Mearl snorts her indignation, and I promise her a treat. 

Comments

[smokingboot]

I'm sorry you feel depressed. But what you've created here is beautiful.

[thesarahscope]

Thank you. xo

[darkoshi]

That's a very nice photo. Your eyes look so lively, and the color & pattern of the shirt & hat complementing the face.
I let our dogs taste different things too. Sometimes they surprise me in what they like, such as tomatoes and I think peaches.

[thesarahscope]

Thanks so much. I will admit it's funny to see what they like, too. I had a dog that was crazy about tomatoes, too. He'd pick them off the vine in the yard. Ugh! Lol